drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
