it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
