glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize