So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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