Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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