My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
