i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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