just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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