its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
