So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
