whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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