I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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