She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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