...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
