i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
two words...techno handjob
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize