Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
