im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
