Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
