unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
