Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
