I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
