she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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