i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
