i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
