Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
