i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
