My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
