I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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