my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
