just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
