You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
