The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
