no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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