Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
