i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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