I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
