your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
