I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
