ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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