guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
