Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a hot homeless man
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
