if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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