so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
