is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
