Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
