**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's rum buckets o'clock
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
