You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
