Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
