They should really pass out barf bags in church
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize