brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
