I want to have your abortion
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
