i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
