So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
