I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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