you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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