Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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