Did you just see the Batmobile???
operation have a gay friend backfired
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
