My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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