meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
