I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
