there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm passing your future prison.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We don't watch enough power rangers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
