she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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