Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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