omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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