Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
