Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
