If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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