TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
