You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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