She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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