im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize