where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
