Swine flu is the new snow day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
