Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Life is so much better after having sex.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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